


Kiss of a Viper

by Jackdaw816



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Dancing, F/M, Flirting, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:47:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26400640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackdaw816/pseuds/Jackdaw816
Summary: When conmen meet
Relationships: John Hart/River Song
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15
Collections: Torchwood Fan Fests: Bingo Fest 2020





	Kiss of a Viper

**Author's Note:**

> Taking my two favorite flirty bitches and putting them in a room together to cause chaos? Of course!
> 
> Squares filled: Dancing, betrayal

“May I have this dance?” John turned away from the absolutely dull aristo he had been talking with to see a gorgeous human woman with a bush of curly hair smirking at him. He smirked back and took her offered hand.

“Don’t mind if I do,” John replied, letting her lead him away. He had time to kill; his mark wasn’t supposed to arrive until halfway through the party. Rumor had it they’d be wearing a sunstone (actually forged in a sun) necklace, a very popular yet recently deceased designer’s final work. History said it went missing tonight. John intended to be the reason.

He had a duplicate tucked into his coat that had cost him a handful of credits to get machined. The real one would be worth billions. John could retire on the windfall it would bring him. Not that he would. The con was half the fun. 

They reached the dance floor, and John easily fell into step beside his dance partner. The music was a little slow but not bad for such a snobby party. He had a perfect view of the doors and a perfect view of his partner. She was even more attractive up close, with sharp green eyes and stunning cleavage.

“Having fun?” she asked suddenly, derailing John’s train of thought.

“A ball,” he said, smirking. “At least now I am.” She chuckled as they twirled across the floor.

“I know. I saw you talking with Benvo and thought it’d be a shame to leave such a pretty boy to that sort of torture,” she said, sounding like she spoke from experience.

“Always grateful for a rescue,” John all but purred.

“I’m surprised you didn’t nod off; he’s absolutely dull,” she said with a laugh.

“You a local then?” John asked. She shook her head.

“No, but I get around.” They danced in silence for a few moments before she spoke again, introducing herself. “Professor River Song.” The name sounded familiar, but John couldn’t quite place it. She must have been quite the professor to have captured his attention. That, or they’d spent time in jail together. 

“Captain John Hart,” John said, smirking. Yeah, he’d kept the name. And no, it wasn’t because he’d mocked it off of Jack’s. John wasn’t dependent on anyone. (And at least that’s what he told himself.) 

“Charmed.” The music changed, high strings and a solid beat. John recognized it, a traditional Earth ballad. River shot him a glance and a smirk. It seemed she knew it as well. “Trust me?” she asked, finger tapping out a beat on his shoulder. John nodded. It’d been a while since he’d had a proper dance.

River pulled him closer, hand on his back. Ah, so he would follow. Not his favorite position, but he was flexible. He laid his left hand on her shoulder, and their free hands locked, fingers intertwined. She counted as the words came in and off they went.

John was loathe to admit it, but River was good. She flew across the dance floor like she had wings, dragging John in her wake. Now, he could dance. His upbringing had all but forced the ability upon him. But River was a force of nature not unlike her name. It was all John could do to keep up.

The crowd parted around them as they went. John caught whispers of both the complimentary and not quite so complimentary type. Shit. He was meant to be keeping a low profile. But then again, all the attention was on River. She was the belle of the ball. With a bit of luck, no one would pay mind to the gentleman (ha!) at her side.

The song ended, and John blinked in surprise. His breath was coming heavy (and not just because he was turned on.) River hadn’t even broken a sweat. John amended his internal assessment. Definitely not pure human, appearances to the contrary. Either that, or she was just incredibly fit. Both options were very appealing.

“So?” River asked as they made their way off the dance floor. It took John a moment to get his mind back in gear.

“Not bad,” he said. He meant ‘fuckin’ amazing’, but that’s not something he’d admit. At least not on a first date. River laughed.

“You weren’t bad yourself.” She took his arm and steered him toward the bar. “C’mon, I need a drink. You can buy me it.” John raised an eyebrow. Very tempting indeed. Especially since he knew it was an open bar. But he couldn’t let himself get distracted by River, no matter how pleasurable that might be. Sunstone necklace. Billions of credits. Priorities. Oh, but he would need a distraction. Yes, she would do nicely.

“Be there in a moment,” John hedged, pulling his arm free. River huffed sarcastically, then grinned.

“Alright, but don’t expect me to wait for you,” River said. She walked away, crowd parting around her like the Red Sea. John had to resist the urge to drift after her. Instead, he waited until she was out of sight, and dug in his coat for his paralyzing lipgloss. 

He’d chat her up a bit more, kiss her, then slip away before the collapse. Everyone would be worried about the belle of the ball, and by the time they realized she’d been poisoned, he’d be long gone with the sunstone. They’d probably even be able to cure her. No harm, no foul.

Plan in place, John made his way to the bar. River was perched on a stool near the end, chatting cheerfully with the bartender. She turned her gaze onto John when he sat down and passed him a drink. He ignored it in favor of ordering his own. One could never be too cautious.

“Thought you’d left me for Benvo,” River teased. John cast his gaze across the room to where the man was droning on to another poor unfortunate soul and laughed.

“Anyone who leaves you is a fool beyond hope,” John said with a wink. He ignored the tiniest part of him that said he was the fool. It never did him good to listen to his conscience. 

“Such a charmer,” she teased right back before taking a sip of her drink. The banter flowed as easily as the liquor. John was lucky his tolerance was as high as a kite because River could drink any normal man under the table. He’d be lying if he said he hadn’t fallen a little in love. What a pity.

River finished off the anecdote she’d been telling, then raised a quizzical eyebrow at John. He had absolutely no idea what she wanted. He’d been too distracted by her mouth to hear what had been coming out of it. She rolled her eyes, then leaned in and kissed him.

The kiss was chaste at first, but like many things around John, it didn’t stay that way for long. Her mouth opened, and he could taste the sweetness of the liquor on her tongue. One of her hands slipped up under his jacket, and he realized a few crucial seconds too late that he’d been had.

“What’s this?” River said, knowing smile dancing across her face and the replica sunstone necklace dangling from her hand. John kept his face innocent.

“Can’t a guy have some bling?” John said, making a casual grab for the necklace. River easily moved out of his reach. But then she froze, free hand going to her mouth. She rubbed her finger along her bottom lip, and her eyes went wide as it came away shiny.

“Fuck,” River said, swaying slightly. John snatched the necklace from her hand as she collapsed to the ground.

“Help!” John called, tucking the necklace back in his jacket and backing away. “She’s just collapsed!” He blew her a kiss, and she glared up at him. Sorry, River. She was a million credit woman. Too bad he had billions on the line.

He turned around with a grin, then stopped dead in his tracks. Something was wrong. The air was fuzzy. The air was not supposed to be fuzzy, not on this planet. He took a tentative step and almost tripped over a stool that definitely had not been in his way before.

“He did something to her!” a voice shrieked from behind him. John turned back around slowly to see a finger pointed at him like a dagger. 

River was being tended to by some partygoer, her head still tilted in his direction. John watched as she smiled slowly, the fuzz in the air and her fluorid lipstick making the whole scene seem dramatic and off-kilter. John frowned; she shouldn’t be able to smile by now. Unless-

“You sly bitch,” John said aloud. A murmur rose up among the crowd, but John ignored them. Of course. A kiss went both ways after all. He started to laugh, maniacal and bitter, and didn’t stop even as a pair of guards dragged him away. Well played, River Song. Well played.


End file.
